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redrum! redrum!




IF YOU THOUGHT THINGS COULDN'T GET ANY SPOOKIER THAN S. KING'S THE SHINING, YOU HAVEN'T CHECKED INTO THE STOLI HOTEL.




EVERY YEAR STOLI TRAVELS THE US [WELL NEW YORK, MIAMI, CHICAGO, AND HOLLYWOOD] TO SET UP THEIR POPULAR STOLI HOTELS THAT BECOME A NON-STOP-ALL-YOU-CAN-DRINK PARTY FOR 10 DAYS STRAIGHT.




IN NEW YORK, THINGS KICKED OFF MAY 7TH WITH THE GRAND OPENING HOSTED BY DJ VICE, FOLLOWED BY EVENTS HOSTED BY THE ROLLING STONES, VANITY FAIR, HOUSE OF DIEHL, TRADE NIGHT, AND LAST NIGHT'S GQ MAGAZINE TO CELEBRATE ROBERT DOWNEY JR'S AMAZING COVER.



EVERYONE IN THE PLACE SEEMED TO BE OVERLY SELF IMPORTANT, FLASHING BUSINESS CARDS, AND GREASY SMILES, AND RANTING ABOUT HOW THEY WERE "SOMEBODY IMPORTANT... JUST YOU WAIT AND SEE!". IN ATTENDANCE WERE THOSE SMALL TIME WAITING TO BLOW ARTISTS, AND STARVING MODELS. THERE WAS EVEN A SIGHTING OF THE "BLACK SOCIALITE." [SO I'M GOING TO COME OUT AND SAY IT. SHE TOTALLY STOLE B. WOMACK'S TITLE ON THAT ONE!]



EVERYONE WAS ENJOYING THEMSELVES, BUT THERE WAS SOMETHING VERY EERIE ABOUT THE WHOLE THING. ALL NIGHT I WAS APPROACHED BY STRANGE PEOPLE MAKING THE ODDEST REFERENCES TO PLACING CONDIMENTS INSIDE OF BODIES, TOUCHING CHINS, RIPPING OLD FRIENDS A NEW ONE, FLYING TO STRANGE PLACES, ALL HUMANS COMING FROM THE SAME SEA, CAPTAIN CRUNCH HATS, AND PLASTIC BLAZERS. I FELT AS IF I WERE IN THE HOTEL CALIFORNIA INSTEAD OF THE STOLI HOTEL, AND I WASN'T SURE IF I WAS ALLOWED TO CHECK OUT. WHATEVER WAS IN THOSE DRINKS COULDN'T HAVE POSSIBLY BEEN JUST VODKA!



AS I'M SITTING THERE SOAKING THIS ALL IN, A THOUGHT OF MY BROTHER POPPED INTO MY HEAD AND I COULDN'T STOP LAUGHING. I REMEMBER WATCHING THE NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD WITH HIM, AND HIM CONCLUDING THAT IF YOU'RE EVER SURROUNDED BY ZOMBIES TO JUST ACT LIKE YOU'RE A ZOMBIE UNTIL YOU CAN MAKE A RUN FOR IT. SO THAT'S WHAT I DID. I PUT ON THE CRAZY FACE, AND STARTED MAKING ODD COMMENTS TO RANDOM PEOPLE UNTIL I WAS ABLE TO SEE THE EXIT AND DASH OUT OF THE DOOR.



NOT TO WORRY THOUGH, THE FUN ISN'T OVER JUST YET, THE VACANT SIGN WILL STILL BE BLINKING UNTIL THE 17TH.




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